Back to School: What Successful Parents Do Differently
By Dr. Micah Fagan
Let me tell you about a parent I met last spring.
She was exhausted. Her son was struggling in math, and she’d tried everything: flashcards, expensive tutoring centers, late-night homework battles, even bribes.
Nothing worked.
“His teacher says he’s ‘not trying hard enough.’ But I see him. He’s frustrated. He’s ashamed. He told me last week that he’s ‘just not a math person.'”
She paused. I could hear the tears creeping into her voice.
“Where did he get that idea? He’s 11. He hasn’t even finished elementary school. How does he already think he’s broken?”
Here’s the thing: he didn’t come up with that idea on his own.
And the school year hadn’t even started yet.
The Hidden Crisis in Every Back-to-School Plan
We spend so much time worrying about the logistics of back-to-school, the supplies, the schedules, the routines, that we forget the most important question:
What is your child thinking about themselves?
Here’s the data that should stop every parent in their tracks:
Nearly 50% of U.S. adults report feeling anxious about math. Students as young as first grade have already developed a “math self-concept.” By third grade, it’s largely fixed.
Girls and students of color are disproportionately likely to have negative math identities, not because they lack ability, but because they receive different messages about their potential.
Here’s the kicker: when students have a strong academic identity, they are 2.5 times more likely to pursue challenging coursework and high-achievement paths.
Back-to-school season isn’t about backpacks. It’s about beliefs.
What Successful Parents Do Differently
We’ve worked with thousands of families at Jamie The Scholar. And we’ve noticed a pattern: the most successful parents don’t just support their kids. They shift the story their kids tell themselves.
Here’s how.
1. They Start With the Question: “What Worries You?”
Most back-to-school conversations go like this:
“Are you excited for school?” “Yeah, I guess.” “Great! Let’s get supplies.”
That’s not a conversation. That’s a checklist.
Try This Instead:
“What feels exciting about this year?” “What feels a little scary?” “What’s one thing you’re worried about, and one thing we could do to make it less scary?”
Why It Works: Middle schoolers often struggle with emotional and social challenges that impact academics. Keeping the lines of communication open ensures they feel supported.
Pro Tip: Set aside time each week to talk about school, friendships, and life in general. Use active listening: validate their feelings and avoid jumping straight to solutions.
2. They Prioritize Academic Support, Before Crisis Hits
There’s a pattern we see every single year.
September to October: “Let’s give it a few weeks. They’re just adjusting.”
November: “Hmm, that grade is lower than expected. Maybe it’s a fluke?”
December: “Okay, we need help. But it’s the holidays. We’ll figure it out in January.”
January: “Wait, they’re failing. Why didn’t we do something sooner?”
Sound familiar?
At Jamie The Scholar, we’ve worked with students with IEPs, 504s, learning differences, and students who are simply struggling to keep up.
We take time to understand each student’s specific way of processing information, help them identify their strengths, and equip them with strategies that actually fit how they think.
The goal is to build self-knowledge that stays with them long after the tutoring session ends.
Our philosophy: if your child is struggling with schoolwork, consider seeking additional support like tutoring, before they fall behind.
3. They Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection
This one is harder than it sounds.
We live in a world that rewards outcomes, the A, the trophy, the acceptance letter. But those outcomes are built on something less glamorous: the struggle.
Try This Instead:
“I’m really proud of how much time you spent preparing for that test.” “That hard work will help you keep getting better.” “What did you learn from this, even though it didn’t go the way you wanted?”
Why It Works: Focusing on effort over outcomes reduces fear of failure and encourages perseverance.
For middle schoolers: help them reflect on what they learned and how they can improve next time.
4. They Create Stability (But Not Rigidity)
Stability isn’t about strict schedules. It’s about knowing what to expect.
Try This:
- Create a consistent routine: A consistent schedule can help ease the transition back to school and provide stability.
- Set boundaries: Explaining to your child what their responsibilities are and what is expected of them creates great structure without miscommunications.
- Include family time: Having set scheduled family time creates a more positive atmosphere for your child.
Why It Works: Routines create the necessary structure and stability that your child requires so they are attentive during the day at school.
5. They Get Organized, Together
Getting organized is crucial for a successful school year.
Try This:
- Sit down together at the start of each week to plan their schedule, including homework, activities, and downtime.
- Break assignments into smaller, manageable steps. For example, “Research topic,” “Write outline,” and “Draft introduction” for an essay.
- Revisit the plan midweek to adjust as needed.
Why It Works: Collaborative planning empowers your child to take ownership of their schedule while learning a valuable life skill.
What We’re Offering This Year
At Jamie The Scholar, we’re not just tutors. We’re partners: in your child’s education, in your family’s sanity, and in building a better relationship with learning.
We Understand How Kids Learn
We know that the way a student learns is as unique as their fingerprint. That’s why we don’t use one-size-fits-all approaches.
Our tutors have experience with:
- Neurodivergent students (ADHD, dyslexia, autism, and more)
- Students with IEPs and 504 plans
- Students who have lost confidence in their academic abilities
- Students who are struggling with a particular subject
Our team includes tutors with lived experience of neurodivergence. That’s not incidental. It means that when your child sits down with one of our coaches, they’re working with someone who has personally navigated the experience of thinking differently.
We Partner With Parents
We know you’re busy. We know you’re tired. And we know you want to help your child, but sometimes you’re not sure how.
That’s where we come in.
We work with you to:
- Identify your child’s strengths and challenges
- Develop strategies that fit your family’s life
- Communicate with your child’s teachers and school
- Build a partnership that extends beyond tutoring sessions
The goal isn’t just better grades. It’s a better relationship with learning.
The Bottom Line
Back-to-school season is overwhelming. There’s so much to do, so much to buy, so much to plan.
But here’s the truth: the most important thing you can do for your child isn’t on any supply list.
It’s about how you show up. It’s about the messages you send. It’s about building a foundation of confidence, resilience, and curiosity that will carry them through every grade, every subject, and every challenge.
That’s what we’re offering. That’s what we’ve always offered. And this year, we’re making it easier than ever to get started.
You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here to help.
Ready to support your child’s academic journey? Connect with us at Jamie the Scholar today at 888-577-3224 to schedule a free consultation. Let’s see how we can help your child thrive this year.
