student success - Jamie The Scholar

Back to School: What Successful Parents Do Differently

By Dr. Micah Fagan

Let me tell you about a parent I met last spring.

She was exhausted. Her son was struggling in math, and she’d tried everything: flashcards, expensive tutoring centers, late-night homework battles, even bribes.

Nothing worked.

“His teacher says he’s ‘not trying hard enough.’ But I see him. He’s frustrated. He’s ashamed. He told me last week that he’s ‘just not a math person.'”

She paused. I could hear the tears creeping into her voice.

“Where did he get that idea? He’s 11. He hasn’t even finished elementary school. How does he already think he’s broken?”

Here’s the thing: he didn’t come up with that idea on his own.

And the school year hadn’t even started yet.

The Hidden Crisis in Every Back-to-School Plan

We spend so much time worrying about the logistics of back-to-school, the supplies, the schedules, the routines, that we forget the most important question:

What is your child thinking about themselves?

Here’s the data that should stop every parent in their tracks:

Nearly 50% of U.S. adults report feeling anxious about math. Students as young as first grade have already developed a “math self-concept.” By third grade, it’s largely fixed.

Girls and students of color are disproportionately likely to have negative math identities, not because they lack ability, but because they receive different messages about their potential.

Here’s the kicker: when students have a strong academic identity, they are 2.5 times more likely to pursue challenging coursework and high-achievement paths.

Back-to-school season isn’t about backpacks. It’s about beliefs.

What Successful Parents Do Differently

We’ve worked with thousands of families at Jamie The Scholar. And we’ve noticed a pattern: the most successful parents don’t just support their kids. They shift the story their kids tell themselves.

Here’s how.

1. They Start With the Question: “What Worries You?”

Most back-to-school conversations go like this:

“Are you excited for school?” “Yeah, I guess.” “Great! Let’s get supplies.”

That’s not a conversation. That’s a checklist.

Try This Instead:

“What feels exciting about this year?” “What feels a little scary?” “What’s one thing you’re worried about, and one thing we could do to make it less scary?”

Why It Works: Middle schoolers often struggle with emotional and social challenges that impact academics. Keeping the lines of communication open ensures they feel supported.

Pro Tip: Set aside time each week to talk about school, friendships, and life in general. Use active listening: validate their feelings and avoid jumping straight to solutions.

2. They Prioritize Academic Support, Before Crisis Hits

There’s a pattern we see every single year.

September to October: “Let’s give it a few weeks. They’re just adjusting.”

November: “Hmm, that grade is lower than expected. Maybe it’s a fluke?”

December: “Okay, we need help. But it’s the holidays. We’ll figure it out in January.”

January: “Wait, they’re failing. Why didn’t we do something sooner?”

Sound familiar?

At Jamie The Scholar, we’ve worked with students with IEPs, 504s, learning differences, and students who are simply struggling to keep up.

We take time to understand each student’s specific way of processing information, help them identify their strengths, and equip them with strategies that actually fit how they think.

The goal is to build self-knowledge that stays with them long after the tutoring session ends.

Our philosophy: if your child is struggling with schoolwork, consider seeking additional support like tutoring, before they fall behind.

3. They Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection

This one is harder than it sounds.

We live in a world that rewards outcomes, the A, the trophy, the acceptance letter. But those outcomes are built on something less glamorous: the struggle.

Try This Instead:

“I’m really proud of how much time you spent preparing for that test.” “That hard work will help you keep getting better.” “What did you learn from this, even though it didn’t go the way you wanted?”

Why It Works: Focusing on effort over outcomes reduces fear of failure and encourages perseverance.

For middle schoolers: help them reflect on what they learned and how they can improve next time.

4. They Create Stability (But Not Rigidity)

Stability isn’t about strict schedules. It’s about knowing what to expect.

Try This:

Create a consistent routine: A consistent schedule can help ease the transition back to school and provide stability.
Set boundaries: Explaining to your child what their responsibilities are and what is expected of them creates great structure without miscommunications.
Include family time: Having set scheduled family time creates a more positive atmosphere for your child.

Why It Works: Routines create the necessary structure and stability that your child requires so they are attentive during the day at school.

5. They Get Organized, Together

Getting organized is crucial for a successful school year.

Try This:

Sit down together at the start of each week to plan their schedule, including homework, activities, and downtime.
Break assignments into smaller, manageable steps. For example, “Research topic,” “Write outline,” and “Draft introduction” for an essay.
Revisit the plan midweek to adjust as needed.

Why It Works: Collaborative planning empowers your child to take ownership of their schedule while learning a valuable life skill.

What We’re Offering This Year

At Jamie The Scholar, we’re not just tutors. We’re partners: in your child’s education, in your family’s sanity, and in building a better relationship with learning.

We Understand How Kids Learn

We know that the way a student learns is as unique as their fingerprint. That’s why we don’t use one-size-fits-all approaches.

Our tutors have experience with:

Neurodivergent students (ADHD, dyslexia, autism, and more)
Students with IEPs and 504 plans
Students who have lost confidence in their academic abilities
Students who are struggling with a particular subject

Our team includes tutors with lived experience of neurodivergence. That’s not incidental. It means that when your child sits down with one of our coaches, they’re working with someone who has personally navigated the experience of thinking differently.

We Partner With Parents

We know you’re busy. We know you’re tired. And we know you want to help your child, but sometimes you’re not sure how.

That’s where we come in.

We work with you to:

Identify your child’s strengths and challenges
Develop strategies that fit your family’s life
Communicate with your child’s teachers and school
Build a partnership that extends beyond tutoring sessions

The goal isn’t just better grades. It’s a better relationship with learning.

The Bottom Line

Back-to-school season is overwhelming. There’s so much to do, so much to buy, so much to plan.

But here’s the truth: the most important thing you can do for your child isn’t on any supply list.

It’s about how you show up. It’s about the messages you send. It’s about building a foundation of confidence, resilience, and curiosity that will carry them through every grade, every subject, and every challenge.

That’s what we’re offering. That’s what we’ve always offered. And this year, we’re making it easier than ever to get started.

You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here to help.

Ready to support your child’s academic journey? Connect with us at Jamie the Scholar today at 888-577-3224 to schedule a free consultation. Let’s see how we can help your child thrive this year.

Energy Accounting Framework

There are so many ways to plan and prioritize our time: by importance, by urgency, by eating the frog. An overlooked dimension is considering how much energy we need for different kinds of tasks and different kinds of environments. It also includes how much recovery time we need afterwards.

For many folks, but particularly neurodiverse folks, they will need to mask or camouflage throughout a typical day and this can be quite draining because it’s a lot of active attention and inhibitory control (or executive functioning); even more so when additional stressors are added through sensory demands, work demands, school commitments, family dynamics, health, and mental well being.

What is Energy Accounting?

Energy accounting, developed by Autistic Clinical Psychologist Maja Toudal, is about figuring out how much energy is needed for a certain task ahead of time and then planning for limiting how much additional energy is being demanded across other parts of the day or week.

It’s about adding recovery sessions when you know you need to expend a lot of energy or mask. It’s more than just getting an early night before an exam or work presentation; it’s also about building in recuperation time as part of your daily/weekly planning!

By gaining insight into the “cost” of particular situations or tasks, you can reduce burnout and dysregulation spirals and feel more empowered about how you plan and prioritize your time.

You can visualize this energy as a battery. Or you could imagine your energy as so many spoons, a framework developed by Christine Miserandino.

When Should We Think About Using Energy Accounting?

This framework is worth exploring when you or your child feel constantly depleted by the demands of daily life. That might look like a packed schedule that leaves no room to breathe, or a season of change that’s asking more than feels manageable right now.

It’s also useful during times of illness, when routines need to shift alongside medical treatment rather than just pushing through.

And if you’re finding yourself dreading commitments you’ve already made, that’s a signal too. Over-scheduling has a cost that doesn’t always show up until it’s already taken a toll.

What Does Burnout or Too Much Masking Look Like?

If you or your child are experiencing burnout, it will often look like some or many of the following symptoms:

Avoidance
Anxiety
Depression
Increased frustration and emotional dysregulation
Difficulty communicating needs
Heightened sensory awareness and overwhelm
Sleep dysregulation

These signs don’t always appear all at once, and they can be easy to dismiss or attribute to something else entirely. If several of these feel familiar, it may be time to take a closer look at what’s being asked of you or your child each day.

Gathering the Data

You know what recharges you and drains you. Awesome! It’s always a good idea to periodically reflect if anything has changed for you over time because what gave you energy in the past might not always stay the same.

1. Start small. Pick an event, activity, or part of your day that you want to capture and take note of your energy level before the event, during the event, and after the event. Just capture it, don’t analyze. Do this at least a few times before reflecting on whether the situation ultimately gives you energy, depletes your energy, or has a neutral effect. You could use a number scale, a mood scale, a color scale, whatever makes sense for you.
2. Make it easy. Keep a pocket-sized notebook on hand or start a digital note, whatever is quicker to access.
3. Keep it short. Don’t overdo the data taking. Limit the timeframe. You’ll get a good sense of things quickly once you begin to practice this skill.
4. Take note. Explicitly write down the situations that boost your energy and which take a lot from you. You can reference this, add to it, and become an expert on accurately predicting what you will need to balance out with recovery techniques.

Recovery Techniques

Knowing what drains you is only half the equation.

The other half is building recovery into your plan before you need it, not after you’re already running on empty.

That means treating rest and recharge time as a non-negotiable part of your schedule, not something you fit in if there’s room left over.

Plan for time to recover after particularly energy-demanding situations or environments. Block it out on your calendar or whatever planning method you use.
Prioritize time without masks or demands. It is not a nice-to-have, but a necessity.

Reflect on what you like and dislike; your true interests, values, sensory profile and identity. You could do this in therapy, through journaling, art, meditation, or in discussion with people you trust.
Use different environments or activities to create a recharge space. It could be calming or energizing, quiet or loud, bright or dim, in solitude or with others, in nature or a busy cafe. Sometimes our nervous system needs sensory input and other times it might need a reduction in sensory input. When our nervous system is regulated, we are optimizing our executive functioning!

Additional Resources

If you want to explore energy accounting further, these are worth bookmarking.

Video: Energy Accounting: Neurodiversity-affirming Approach to Stress and Burnout

Website: Energy Accounting

Working With the Right Support

This post was written by Annabel Furber, Ed.M., founder of Abel Pathways and executive function coach with 20+ years working at the intersection of neuroscience and learning. If energy accounting resonates with you or your student, Annabel offers 1:1 coaching built around how neurodivergent brains actually work, not a one-size-fits-all template. Her first consultation is free, and there’s no pressure, just a real conversation about where you are and where you want to go.

For families with K-12 or college students who need academic support alongside these strategies, Jamie The Scholar works with students the same way: starting with how they actually function, not how they’re supposed to. Our tutors and coaches help students build systems that hold up under real school pressure.

Contact either of us to set up a consultation today and get the help your student needs.

Springtime and End of the School Year Success

We’ve all been there.

After a long winter, we experience sunshine for the first time in months and welcome its warm embrace. We hear the birds chirping and enjoy the sight of nature coming back to life.

Suddenly, we find ourselves daydreaming during work about getting outside and enjoying the beautiful weather.

As adults, we’re not the only ones susceptible to springtime distraction. Our children and students are experiencing it too. Some of us even remember what it was like coming in from outside lunch or recess.

We remember spending the rest of the school day trying our best not to stare out the window

As a parent, you may be wondering how you can help your student navigate through the end of the school year.

You want them to finish strong. After all, this is the last quarter, and your child is almost there.

If you were attending one of their sporting events and you saw that they were tired or becoming distracted at the end of the game, you’d cheer them on with something like,

“C’mon, honey! You’re so close! You’re almost there!”

That instinct is right. However, with the tests, the projects, and the end of the school year celebrations that accompany the last quarter, you’ll be wondering if there’s more you can do to help your child succeed.

Here at Jamie the Scholar, we understand. That’s a feeling we recognize and it’s worth taking seriously.

Understanding the Situation: The End of the School Year

Everything has been building up to this point: the lessons, the skills, and the assignments. It’s the culmination of a year’s worth of learning. While it can be overwhelming, I want to assure you, parents, that it’s never our goal as educators.

The last thing we want is for our students to feel stressed out or deprived of springtime fun! Unfortunately, some of the anxiety and overwhelming feelings at the end of the year are outside of our control.

Here are some of the tests and events that contribute to the fast-paced, jam-packed end of the year feeling that your child experiences in the last month of school.

AP Exams: For any parents with high school students, you may be aware that AP exams occurred over the last two weeks. As teachers, these dates were assigned to us. It’s also important that these exams occur at the end of the year. AP teachers have needed these last eight months to prepare their students. They needed this time to equip them with the content they’ll need to perform well.
Finals and Comprehensive Assessments: Depending on what state you live in, your district’s requirements, or the type of school your child attends (charter, public, private, or etc.), the “end of the year” exam requirements may differ. Like the AP exams, the dates of these exams are often out of a teacher’s control. However, there are options here. As a parent, emailing your child’s teacher to ask about the end of the year assessment can be a great way to help. By having that information early, you can help your child organize their study time. By starting or studying early, the last two weeks won’t feel as overwhelming.
End of the School Year Celebrations: Sports Banquets, Recitals, and Prom! These events are so much fun, and your child should feel excited to participate in them. Something to consider is factoring in these events with your child’s end of the year prep. If they have a recital coming up that week, it might be helpful to block out some additional time on the weekend to study or work on homework since that event could take up two to three hours of time from their school week.

Getting Outside and Enjoying the Weather

Believe it or not, the enemy is not the weather. Spring does stir up antsy feelings in the best of us, but spring has many advantages to offer the overwhelmed student.

The first is the power of Vitamin D. While evidence doesn’t suggest a direct link between sunlight and academic performance, there are many studies that address the emotional and mental benefits of getting out in the sun.

We have heard of seasonal depression, but we’re not as familiar with the benefits that sunlight has to offer. When enjoyed properly (with sunscreen for extended periods of outdoor time), sunlight boosts our serotonin levels. Serotonin is the hormone that regulates our emotions and improves our focus. Maybe the reason so many of us stare out that window is because subconsciously we know it’s what our bodies need.

If your child is feeling overwhelmed by the end of the year, a fifteen-minute break in the sun may be the perfect solution. Even more, perhaps studying, working on their project, or reading for class outside would be a great way to accomplish their work and enjoy the wonderful weather.

The second reason why getting outside and enjoying the weather can help your son or daughter is that studies have shown how important it is for young people to be active.

According to the following article published by Stanford University, “the World Health Organization recommends that adolescents (children between the ages of 10 and 19) engage in one hour of moderate exercise daily.” The article further suggests that there have been links found between a child’s physical activity and their academic performance. “New research shows that exercising regularly can help students improve their focus, retain new information, and even score higher on tests.” So, taking time for a quick study break and getting outside to move might be the boost that your child needs.

It could also be a great motivator for your child to complete tasks in increments. After completing each assignment, they could spend 20 minutes outside. By doing so, the course work shrinks from one big load into smaller portions of work. After each assignment, there’s something to look forward to!

Springtime offers so many ways for people to exercise. Whether it’s a leisurely stroll, playing soccer, or riding a bike, your child will appreciate the opportunity to get outside, breathe in the fresh air, and move.

Other Ways to Help During the End of the School Year

If we’re being honest, time management skills are something we all have had to learn at some point in our lives. Procrastination is a common human struggle.

Some of us adults are still learning and working to grow in this area ourselves, and that’s okay. None of us is perfect.

A way you can help your child during this time is touching base with them about their assignments. They might have underestimated the time they’ll need to study for Finals or complete those end of the year assignments.

They may think they’re able to finish it all in the last week of school. But, we know better.

This is where your experience and organizational skills as a parent can be a great way to circumvent some end of the year panic. Rather than the last week of school being filled with anxiety and late nights, your child can enjoy the last few days of school feeling calm and confident about the end of the year!

How Jamie The Scholar Can Help

Say your child receives an extensive end of the year research project, and you’re not sure how to help. Maybe math has never been your strongest subject, but you want your child to feel confident while preparing for their comprehensive Final.

Here, at Jamie the Scholar, we have some incredible, talented tutors who would love to assist you. If you or your child needs some assistance navigating the end of the school year, consider giving us a call at 888-577-3224 to schedule a free consultation!