neurodiversity - Jamie The Scholar

Back to School: What Successful Parents Do Differently

By Dr. Micah Fagan

Let me tell you about a parent I met last spring.

She was exhausted. Her son was struggling in math, and she’d tried everything: flashcards, expensive tutoring centers, late-night homework battles, even bribes.

Nothing worked.

“His teacher says he’s ‘not trying hard enough.’ But I see him. He’s frustrated. He’s ashamed. He told me last week that he’s ‘just not a math person.'”

She paused. I could hear the tears creeping into her voice.

“Where did he get that idea? He’s 11. He hasn’t even finished elementary school. How does he already think he’s broken?”

Here’s the thing: he didn’t come up with that idea on his own.

And the school year hadn’t even started yet.

The Hidden Crisis in Every Back-to-School Plan

We spend so much time worrying about the logistics of back-to-school, the supplies, the schedules, the routines, that we forget the most important question:

What is your child thinking about themselves?

Here’s the data that should stop every parent in their tracks:

Nearly 50% of U.S. adults report feeling anxious about math. Students as young as first grade have already developed a “math self-concept.” By third grade, it’s largely fixed.

Girls and students of color are disproportionately likely to have negative math identities, not because they lack ability, but because they receive different messages about their potential.

Here’s the kicker: when students have a strong academic identity, they are 2.5 times more likely to pursue challenging coursework and high-achievement paths.

Back-to-school season isn’t about backpacks. It’s about beliefs.

What Successful Parents Do Differently

We’ve worked with thousands of families at Jamie The Scholar. And we’ve noticed a pattern: the most successful parents don’t just support their kids. They shift the story their kids tell themselves.

Here’s how.

1. They Start With the Question: “What Worries You?”

Most back-to-school conversations go like this:

“Are you excited for school?” “Yeah, I guess.” “Great! Let’s get supplies.”

That’s not a conversation. That’s a checklist.

Try This Instead:

“What feels exciting about this year?” “What feels a little scary?” “What’s one thing you’re worried about, and one thing we could do to make it less scary?”

Why It Works: Middle schoolers often struggle with emotional and social challenges that impact academics. Keeping the lines of communication open ensures they feel supported.

Pro Tip: Set aside time each week to talk about school, friendships, and life in general. Use active listening: validate their feelings and avoid jumping straight to solutions.

2. They Prioritize Academic Support, Before Crisis Hits

There’s a pattern we see every single year.

September to October: “Let’s give it a few weeks. They’re just adjusting.”

November: “Hmm, that grade is lower than expected. Maybe it’s a fluke?”

December: “Okay, we need help. But it’s the holidays. We’ll figure it out in January.”

January: “Wait, they’re failing. Why didn’t we do something sooner?”

Sound familiar?

At Jamie The Scholar, we’ve worked with students with IEPs, 504s, learning differences, and students who are simply struggling to keep up.

We take time to understand each student’s specific way of processing information, help them identify their strengths, and equip them with strategies that actually fit how they think.

The goal is to build self-knowledge that stays with them long after the tutoring session ends.

Our philosophy: if your child is struggling with schoolwork, consider seeking additional support like tutoring, before they fall behind.

3. They Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection

This one is harder than it sounds.

We live in a world that rewards outcomes, the A, the trophy, the acceptance letter. But those outcomes are built on something less glamorous: the struggle.

Try This Instead:

“I’m really proud of how much time you spent preparing for that test.” “That hard work will help you keep getting better.” “What did you learn from this, even though it didn’t go the way you wanted?”

Why It Works: Focusing on effort over outcomes reduces fear of failure and encourages perseverance.

For middle schoolers: help them reflect on what they learned and how they can improve next time.

4. They Create Stability (But Not Rigidity)

Stability isn’t about strict schedules. It’s about knowing what to expect.

Try This:

Create a consistent routine: A consistent schedule can help ease the transition back to school and provide stability.
Set boundaries: Explaining to your child what their responsibilities are and what is expected of them creates great structure without miscommunications.
Include family time: Having set scheduled family time creates a more positive atmosphere for your child.

Why It Works: Routines create the necessary structure and stability that your child requires so they are attentive during the day at school.

5. They Get Organized, Together

Getting organized is crucial for a successful school year.

Try This:

Sit down together at the start of each week to plan their schedule, including homework, activities, and downtime.
Break assignments into smaller, manageable steps. For example, “Research topic,” “Write outline,” and “Draft introduction” for an essay.
Revisit the plan midweek to adjust as needed.

Why It Works: Collaborative planning empowers your child to take ownership of their schedule while learning a valuable life skill.

What We’re Offering This Year

At Jamie The Scholar, we’re not just tutors. We’re partners: in your child’s education, in your family’s sanity, and in building a better relationship with learning.

We Understand How Kids Learn

We know that the way a student learns is as unique as their fingerprint. That’s why we don’t use one-size-fits-all approaches.

Our tutors have experience with:

Neurodivergent students (ADHD, dyslexia, autism, and more)
Students with IEPs and 504 plans
Students who have lost confidence in their academic abilities
Students who are struggling with a particular subject

Our team includes tutors with lived experience of neurodivergence. That’s not incidental. It means that when your child sits down with one of our coaches, they’re working with someone who has personally navigated the experience of thinking differently.

We Partner With Parents

We know you’re busy. We know you’re tired. And we know you want to help your child, but sometimes you’re not sure how.

That’s where we come in.

We work with you to:

Identify your child’s strengths and challenges
Develop strategies that fit your family’s life
Communicate with your child’s teachers and school
Build a partnership that extends beyond tutoring sessions

The goal isn’t just better grades. It’s a better relationship with learning.

The Bottom Line

Back-to-school season is overwhelming. There’s so much to do, so much to buy, so much to plan.

But here’s the truth: the most important thing you can do for your child isn’t on any supply list.

It’s about how you show up. It’s about the messages you send. It’s about building a foundation of confidence, resilience, and curiosity that will carry them through every grade, every subject, and every challenge.

That’s what we’re offering. That’s what we’ve always offered. And this year, we’re making it easier than ever to get started.

You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here to help.

Ready to support your child’s academic journey? Connect with us at Jamie the Scholar today at 888-577-3224 to schedule a free consultation. Let’s see how we can help your child thrive this year.

What the Neurodiversity Model Means for Your Child

If your child has an IEP or a 504 Plan, you’ve probably sat through meetings full of clinical language with terms like “learning disability,” “deficit,” or “disorder” that can leave you wondering: what does this actually mean for who my child is?

Those labels can be useful for accessing support. But they can also carry a quiet, harmful message: that something is wrong with your child. At Jamie The Scholar, we take a different approach.

There Are Two Ways to See a Learning Difference

The traditional view of learning disabilities comes from what researchers call the medical model. Under this framework, conditions like dyslexia, ADHD, and autism are treated as problems to be fixed. The goal is to bring students closer to a neurotypical standard, as if there were one correct way for a brain to work.

The neurodiversity model starts from a fundamentally different premise. It recognizes that neurological differences are natural variations in human cognition, not defects.

The term was coined in the late 1990s by sociologist Judy Singer, who is on the autism spectrum herself, and it has since reshaped how educators, researchers, and families understand learning differences.

This distinction matters more than it might seem at first glance.

What the Medical Model Can Cost Your Child

When students are taught to see their own minds as broken or insufficient, the effects show up in real and lasting ways. Research suggests that attempts to mask or suppress neurodivergent traits in order to appear more neurotypical are associated with exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, and depression. Students who spend their energy hiding how they think don’t have much left over for actually learning.

This is where many neurodivergent students get stuck. It’s not that they can’t learn. It’s that they’ve absorbed the message that the way they learn is wrong, and that message takes a real toll over time.

Questions like “What is wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I be like everyone else?” are not signs of low intelligence or lack of effort. They are signs of a student who hasn’t yet been given a more accurate story about how their mind works.

A Different Starting Point

The neurodiversity model doesn’t ignore challenges. It reframes them.

Instead of asking “How do we fix this student?”, it asks “How does this student’s brain work best, and how do we build on that?” Stanford Medicine describes this approach as focusing on what a neurodiverse person can do, rather than what they cannot. It draws on a student’s strengths and interests to guide how support is offered, and it embraces what researchers call the theory of multiple intelligences: a broader and more honest view of what learning actually looks like.

This is not a soft or idealistic perspective. It is a more accurate description of how many successful, high-achieving people actually think and operate.

Neurodivergent and Thriving: Some Familiar Names

Simone Biles was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. When her medical records were illegally released in 2016, she responded publicly and without apology: “Having ADHD, and taking medication for it, is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing that I’m afraid to let people know.” She has since become one of the most decorated gymnasts in Olympic history. The same intensity and energy that posed challenges in a traditional classroom helped fuel one of the most remarkable athletic careers of her generation.

Steve Jobs is widely regarded by many in the neurodiversity community as neurodivergent. His intense, obsessive focus and his relentless drive to push Apple products beyond what anyone thought possible are traits that those familiar with neurodivergence recognize well. Whether or not a formal diagnosis was ever recorded, his way of thinking was demonstrably different from the norm, and the world is different because of it.

These are not stories that promise neurodivergence automatically leads to success. They are examples of what becomes possible when a person learns to understand and work with their own mind rather than against it.

What This Looks Like at Jamie The Scholar

We don’t try to make neurodivergent students learn the same way as everyone else. We take time to understand each student’s specific way of processing information, help them identify their strengths, and equip them with strategies that actually fit how they think.

The goal is to build self-knowledge that stays with them long after the tutoring session ends.

Being neurodivergent doesn’t have to be a barrier. It can be a framework for understanding how your child’s mind works, and what they need to move forward with confidence.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If your child has a learning difference and you’re looking for support that meets them where they are, Jamie The Scholar can help. Our coaches work alongside students to build skills, confidence, and self-understanding over time.

Call us today at 888-577-3224 or visit Jamie The Scholar to schedule a free consultation.

Energy Accounting Framework

There are so many ways to plan and prioritize our time: by importance, by urgency, by eating the frog. An overlooked dimension is considering how much energy we need for different kinds of tasks and different kinds of environments. It also includes how much recovery time we need afterwards.

For many folks, but particularly neurodiverse folks, they will need to mask or camouflage throughout a typical day and this can be quite draining because it’s a lot of active attention and inhibitory control (or executive functioning); even more so when additional stressors are added through sensory demands, work demands, school commitments, family dynamics, health, and mental well being.

What is Energy Accounting?

Energy accounting, developed by Autistic Clinical Psychologist Maja Toudal, is about figuring out how much energy is needed for a certain task ahead of time and then planning for limiting how much additional energy is being demanded across other parts of the day or week.

It’s about adding recovery sessions when you know you need to expend a lot of energy or mask. It’s more than just getting an early night before an exam or work presentation; it’s also about building in recuperation time as part of your daily/weekly planning!

By gaining insight into the “cost” of particular situations or tasks, you can reduce burnout and dysregulation spirals and feel more empowered about how you plan and prioritize your time.

You can visualize this energy as a battery. Or you could imagine your energy as so many spoons, a framework developed by Christine Miserandino.

When Should We Think About Using Energy Accounting?

This framework is worth exploring when you or your child feel constantly depleted by the demands of daily life. That might look like a packed schedule that leaves no room to breathe, or a season of change that’s asking more than feels manageable right now.

It’s also useful during times of illness, when routines need to shift alongside medical treatment rather than just pushing through.

And if you’re finding yourself dreading commitments you’ve already made, that’s a signal too. Over-scheduling has a cost that doesn’t always show up until it’s already taken a toll.

What Does Burnout or Too Much Masking Look Like?

If you or your child are experiencing burnout, it will often look like some or many of the following symptoms:

Avoidance
Anxiety
Depression
Increased frustration and emotional dysregulation
Difficulty communicating needs
Heightened sensory awareness and overwhelm
Sleep dysregulation

These signs don’t always appear all at once, and they can be easy to dismiss or attribute to something else entirely. If several of these feel familiar, it may be time to take a closer look at what’s being asked of you or your child each day.

Gathering the Data

You know what recharges you and drains you. Awesome! It’s always a good idea to periodically reflect if anything has changed for you over time because what gave you energy in the past might not always stay the same.

1. Start small. Pick an event, activity, or part of your day that you want to capture and take note of your energy level before the event, during the event, and after the event. Just capture it, don’t analyze. Do this at least a few times before reflecting on whether the situation ultimately gives you energy, depletes your energy, or has a neutral effect. You could use a number scale, a mood scale, a color scale, whatever makes sense for you.
2. Make it easy. Keep a pocket-sized notebook on hand or start a digital note, whatever is quicker to access.
3. Keep it short. Don’t overdo the data taking. Limit the timeframe. You’ll get a good sense of things quickly once you begin to practice this skill.
4. Take note. Explicitly write down the situations that boost your energy and which take a lot from you. You can reference this, add to it, and become an expert on accurately predicting what you will need to balance out with recovery techniques.

Recovery Techniques

Knowing what drains you is only half the equation.

The other half is building recovery into your plan before you need it, not after you’re already running on empty.

That means treating rest and recharge time as a non-negotiable part of your schedule, not something you fit in if there’s room left over.

Plan for time to recover after particularly energy-demanding situations or environments. Block it out on your calendar or whatever planning method you use.
Prioritize time without masks or demands. It is not a nice-to-have, but a necessity.

Reflect on what you like and dislike; your true interests, values, sensory profile and identity. You could do this in therapy, through journaling, art, meditation, or in discussion with people you trust.
Use different environments or activities to create a recharge space. It could be calming or energizing, quiet or loud, bright or dim, in solitude or with others, in nature or a busy cafe. Sometimes our nervous system needs sensory input and other times it might need a reduction in sensory input. When our nervous system is regulated, we are optimizing our executive functioning!

Additional Resources

If you want to explore energy accounting further, these are worth bookmarking.

Video: Energy Accounting: Neurodiversity-affirming Approach to Stress and Burnout

Website: Energy Accounting

Working With the Right Support

This post was written by Annabel Furber, Ed.M., founder of Abel Pathways and executive function coach with 20+ years working at the intersection of neuroscience and learning. If energy accounting resonates with you or your student, Annabel offers 1:1 coaching built around how neurodivergent brains actually work, not a one-size-fits-all template. Her first consultation is free, and there’s no pressure, just a real conversation about where you are and where you want to go.

For families with K-12 or college students who need academic support alongside these strategies, Jamie The Scholar works with students the same way: starting with how they actually function, not how they’re supposed to. Our tutors and coaches help students build systems that hold up under real school pressure.

Contact either of us to set up a consultation today and get the help your student needs.